Les' Make a Baby!

The twins have arrived!!

2009-03-12T10:51:00.001-07:00

I am so happy to announce that Brianna Skye and Nathan James arrived on March 4, 2009. Bri was born at 7:58am, weighed 6lbs 1oz and was 18 inches. Nate was born at 8:00am, weighed 6lbs 5oz, and was 19.5 inches.

Brianna was born with a very rare form of Spina Bifida (something we didn't know until birth). Normally this form of SB is devastating (honestly, most babies don't live)...glad we didn't know about it until she was already here! When they started her surgery they also discovered that she had an additional complication called "split cord malformation", but what the nuerosurgeon found was that her spinal cord was fully formed! This combination of defects is literally 1 in 1,000,000.

With all that said, the surgery went very well and Brianna's prognosis is excellent. While I was pregnant, we were told that the chances of Bri needing a wheelchair where very high...after actually seeing the defect, the nuerosurgeon has said that she WILL walk. As you know, doctors will not go out on a limb with a "best case senario" but generally give you worst case so you will be prepared...so to hear him say that she will walk is amazing! There are still many unknowns, but she is moving everything down to and including her toes and she has feeling down to her toes (that was determined through a very yucky test where they use a pin to poke her all over).

Okay, I think that's it. Nathan and the rest of us are doing great, just exhausted from all of the driving! I'll try to be better about updating! Thank you for all of your thoughts and prayers!

The Night Before

2009-03-03T18:39:00.000-08:00

We got the official/final go ahead for Rachelle to have a c-section in the morning!! AND - the doc said that we've been bumped up to first thing in the morning!! We have to be there between 5 and 5:30 am, and the actual surgery is at 7:30. So we are at a hotel now much closer to the hospital. We just had dinner at Outback and are totally stuffed. And excited. We're VERRRRYYYY excited and won't be sleeping much tonight. The big kids are staying home with my parents tonight and they're getting up early to drive up and should be there around 7:30.

It's been a very nice night so far, just marvelling at all we've been through leading up to this. It just seems so surreal...can this really be happening??? We're really having two babies tomorrow??!! Not just one, I mean that would be TOTALLY amazing to even have one baby, but no, we're having TWO!!! One for each of us to cuddle and play with!! And twice the diapers...but twice the kisses and smiles!! We're amazed. And scared. How big will Brianna's lesion be? Will they be able to close it easily and will she need a shunt? Will we be able to stand not holding her for 10+ days? Will both twins look alike? Or completely different? Ahhhh!!! Tomorrow can't come soon enough!

Still Waiting...Should Be March 4th.

2009-03-02T15:32:00.000-08:00

I should have posted this last week, but on Tuesday the docs in Oakland called and said that they thought that we needed to wait for Brianna's lungs to mature more. They rescheduled the c-section for Wed. March 4th. So...we're still waiting. Rachelle is feeling more pregnant then ever...of course...but it's getting ridiculous. She's 38 weeks today. Amazing for twins!! But she's all belly and it's difficult for her to get around. Plus she's still on bedrest so she's bored out of her mind.

My parents have been here since last Tues. and it's been really nice to have my mom cooking for us. They're very excited for the babies to arrive as is everyone in our family. I'm officially off work now for 5 weeks. I'm very thankful that I'll be able to take this much time off.

So unless Rachelle goes into labor before Wed., the babies will be born Wed. morning. Wish us luck!!

Estimated Weights

2009-02-23T20:17:00.001-08:00

I forgot to post this!! They estimate that Nathan weighs 6 lbs 7 oz and Brianna weighs 6 lbs even. We'll see on Wed!! :-)

Amnio - results are good, but the procedure itself was AWFUL!!

2009-02-23T19:53:00.000-08:00

They had told us before that they'd only need to take fluid from one of the babies sacs to determine if their lungs were mature enough to be born and not have breathing problems. We got there today and they decided to do both of them!! Rachelle was such a trooper. They did an ultrasound to determine the best pockets of fluid to target. Nathan (twin B) was easy. He's up higher and wasn't moving around as much. He drew up the fluid and it looked perfect - a little milky and the doc said that's because he has the vernix coating that's floating off into the fluid a little. A good sign of maturity. For Brianna (twin A - closest to the cervix) it took two tries!!! They found a little pocket of fluid but the cord was floating in and out of it and so was Bri's leg!! The first time he tried he almost poked her little leg, so he took it out and looked for a better spot. This time he had to go through part of the placenta - and it was very uncomfortable for Rachelle. I looked over and the doc was trying to draw up fluid and it was not coming easily. I started to feel super queasy...and I'm not usually very squeamish. It's different somehow when it's being done to someone you love. Anyway, he finally got enough fluid and took the needle out. It took maybe 5 minutes to get both samples and we were out of there in 30 minutes total. I thought they'd have her lay there for a bit to make sure she didn't cramp, or leak, or whatever! But nope!! They sat her up on the edge of the table and said, "Oh, you can sit there for a bit if you want." Because Rachelle didn't just hop right off the table!! She was fine, but still.

Anyway, that was at 11:40 this morning and after a nice lunch with Rachelle's sister, her partner and little Carly we drove home. The doc called us with the results around 6pm and he said twin B's lungs are definitely mature and twin A's were borderline mature, but because she's under stress (being "banged up against the cervix" as the doc put it) her lungs are probably mature but it throws off the lab results.

Another exciting but not so great thing that just happened is that one of our dogs, Stone, refused to eat yesterday and was extremely lethargic and totally not himself. This dog will normally knock food out of your hand and eat like he's never seen food in his life. We took him to the vet last night and they drew blood and scanned him for cancer but found no tumors. He has an infection of some sort, was dehydrated and anemic and his liver tests were off. He spent the night and is spending the night again tonight. He did eat some today and is more hydrated and his white blood cells are now down to 19 (normal is 16 and below, and yesterday they were 31). He's an old dog, 12.5 yrs old (huskies live between 11 and 13 years) so the vet warned us that they'll do what they can but to remember how old he is. Poor guy.

Only 2 days to go until we're proud mommies of twins!!

3 Days to Go

2009-02-22T14:16:00.000-08:00

Rachelle has been on bedrest for the last week and a few days. It's getting boring now. We're super thankful that it was only for this short amount of time. It's incredible, tomorrow she's 37 weeks!! She's done great carrying the twins for so long.

Tomorrow is the amnio to check on the babies lung development. We're both nervous about it, her more than me of course. I'll be right there with her, but the anticipation of having a big needle stuck in her belly is a bit much for both of us. After the appt. we'll go to her sister's to just hang out for a while to make sure she's not cramping too much, her water doesn't break, etc.

We've worked out the logistics for Tuesday and Wed. My parents are flying in from Michigan on Tuesday. We're staying in a hotel that night so we're closer to Oakland so my parents will stop by the hotel on their way to our house. We're having a friend take the big kids for dinner and then my parents will get there that night and stay with the kids. Wed. morning we have to be at the hospital at 7am, surgery is scheduled for 9am. My parents will drive the kids to the hospital and Rachelle's parents, sister and sister's partner will meet us there around 9.

We're totally excited, I can't think of anything else. What will the babies look like? Will they be screamers? Will the c-section go smoothly? Will Brianna's surgery go well? How long will she need to be in the NICU?

I'll post pictures as soon as possible. Wish us luck!!

9 Days 'Til Baby Day!!

2009-02-16T12:09:00.000-08:00

We're back to plan A - having the twins at Kaiser Oakland, paying for insurance out of pocket for the first month then transferring Brianna's care to UCSF after that. If everything goes according to plan Rachelle will have an amnio next Monday to check the babies lung development. This will give the docs a chance to give Rachelle steroids if necessary to help the twins lungs develop quicker so they'll be ready to be born on Wed. We can't believe it's next week!!! We're totally excited and as ready as we'll ever be.

At Rachelle's appointment last Tues. her blood pressure was high at 159/90. They admitted her to L&D and monitored her for 4 hrs. They put the baby heartbeat monitors and contraction monitor on her also - it was fun to hear both heartbeats at the same time! As soon as she was laying down on the bed her BP went back down to normal, so they let her go home but only if she promised to come back last Thurs. for a check. At that check it was high again, so she's now on bed rest. No good when you've got as much to worry about as she does. I emailed Heather today and asked if she could bring Maggie by again so we could be re-inspired. She'll probably come visit on Wed.

I'm wrapping up work - it seems so weird. I'm taking 4.5 weeks off starting with the twins birthday. I was planning on taking advantage of California's Paid Family Leave act but with the budget crisis going on I'm too worried that checks will be held up, and I don't want to have to worry about our bills being paid while we're worrying about more important stuff.

The babies are kicking away and getting big! We can tell the difference between Brianna's and Nathan's kicks now. They're not as packed on one side now, Nathan is on the left and Bri is on the right. They're both head down, in the words of the perinatologist "It's too bad about the spina bifida...this is such a beautiful pregnancy and they're both head down, you could have them naturally." At least Rachelle won't have to go through labor - I can't imagine having to push out two babies..ugh!!

Insurance Issues and Major Decisions

2009-01-19T10:31:00.000-08:00

So... we were all set with the c-section scheduled on 2/25, Brianna's surgery the next day and a NICU stay at Kaiser Oakland. Until we found out last week that the babies will only be covered by Kaiser until then end of the calendar month - not 30 days as we were first told by the Kaiser SB Clinic nurse. That gives us 3 days since Feb. is the shortest month of the year. Of course that had to be thrown into the mix. The plan was to have the babies covered by my insurance - Blue Cross Blue Shield - after they're born and out of the hospital, but we thought we had a 30 day window to do this. We decided this because adding them won't cost any more since I cover the older kids already and pay the flat family rate. It would cost an extra $600 per month for them to stay on Rachelle's insurance...but Kaiser is this huge conglomerate with their own doctors, hospitals, etc. and BCBS doesn't cover Kaiser facilities/docs.

Anyway, we're not sure now if we want to have the babies at Oakland Kaiser or Fresno Kaiser that contracts with Madera Children's hospital which takes BCBS. Argh!!! We keep saying "At least we have health insurance" but really, this is the LAST thing we want to be worrying about with only 5 weeks to go before she's scheduled to deliver. And what if they come early??!! Can I have some more stress with that stress please??

Happy Long Haired New Year!

2009-01-04T21:19:00.001-08:00

So I decided that my new years resolution is to not cut my hair this year. I'm tired of the "I'm gonna exercise every day and eat perfectly" type of resolutions and I really want to have long hair again. I've tried growing it out so many times it's ridiculous. When I say it now the kids and Rachelle roll their eyes and say, "OK, whatever. We'll see how long this lasts." I always end up frustrated with the in-between hair and run screaming to the hair stylist. It's the worst. I don't want it to look mulletty but the shaggy look is sort of in so I think I can manage if I keep the back cut so it doesn't look like "Party in the back, business up front." I can get it trimmed so that it has some sort of style, just not cut short again. My son said he'd make the resolution with me...not sure that's such a great idea, but it's a sweet thought.

Wish me luck!

Happy Winter Solstice! Well, Yesterday..

2008-12-22T07:23:00.000-08:00

We have a holiday tradition of letting the kids open one gift on Winter Solstice (I'm pagan and like to at least acknowledge the pagan holidays). Addison opened the gift from his uncle - it was a new lens for his camera. He's really becoming an amazing photographer, I should post some of his pictures here. Amy opened a gift from us and got a new Gap hoodie.

We baked cookies all weekend and wrapped a bunch up for Rachelle's employees (I'm not gonna do the RCB thing anymore...it's annoying and I forget sometimes and have to go back, so just don't stalk us, K?). It was really fun to cook with the kids, Amy helped the most - she became a cookie making machine!! When the timer went off she was right there taking them out, and ready to put more blobs of dough on the cookie sheet. It's so neat to have older kids, they're so self-sufficient. They do their own laundry (usually, although there are usually bits of paper from their pockets on the floor in front of the dryer when they're done), make their own breakfast (granted it's usually cereal, but still...), wake up for school and get ready on their own, etc. As it gets closer to having babies again I'm reminded of how dependant babies are and how much I had to do for Addison and Amy when they were babies. All the diapers, bottles, shoes needing to be put back on in the grocery store, cleaning up thrown food, etc. But there were so many good times - a warm baby asleep on your tummy, the first laugh, first real smile, dressing them however you want, I can't wait to experience this again. Times two!!

Spina Bifida - Not What We Expected

2008-11-09T09:39:00.000-08:00

At the level 2 ultrasound the perinatologist found a problem with Brianna's spine. We were very shocked and scared and in tears. Well, I was in tears and RCB was her normal deals-with-a-crisis-like-a-champ self just asking what this means. We just didn't know anything at all about spina bifida and thought the worst. And the doc had to tell us worst case scenario because that's part of his job. He even said that we have the option to selectively reduce and not have her. We couldn't process any of this right then and left in a daze. RCB's done everything right, she's taken prenatal vitamins for over a year already, has a really health diet, isn't obese or diabetic, and we're not of low socioeconomic status. None of this makes sense. The doc said the defect is low on her spine, so she may be able to walk but will definitely have bowel and bladder issues. She'll most likely need braces of some type, if not a wheelchair eventually. She's at increased risk of developing hydrocephaly and does have Alfred Chiari malformation type II which we've learned is very common in SB.

The genetic counselor offered amniocentesis and a fetal MRI as a way to gather more info as to whether her spine is open or closed. We didn't have the amniocentesis because it would put both babies at risk - there's a 1/150 chance of miscarriage with twins, and they'd have to go through his sac to get to hers. Given that there was only a 7/10,000 chance that we'd have a baby with SB (not to mention everything it took to get pregnant in the first place) we're not willing to risk it. We've decided that no matter what happens both babies are our little miracles and as long as there is a good chance at a good quality of life for Brianna we're having her. We don't want to be selfish holding on to her if there isn't any hope of a good life for her. Neither one of us is against abortion. But after learning everything we have about SB there is such a wide range of ability and we won't know what she can/can't do until after she's born and really until she's almost 3 yrs old. There's a very good chance that her limitations will be small and that she'll be a bright amazing little girl that will have an amazing life and offer alot to the world. Who of us is perfect?

We had the fetal MRI and it was blurry because the babies were moving around. They did confirm that it's a low lesion but also confirmed that it's open. We had a second level 2 ultrasound with the perinatologist and he did a 3D scan to get a good picture of her back. It now looks like the lesion is a bit higher than originally thought (L3-S3 vs S1-S3). We've found an amazing group on babycenter.com for families with babies/kids with SB and it's been wonderful to talk to them. We have also been in contact with a nurse in the Spina Bifida clinic in Oakland who has been amazingly helpful - answering questions, giving us info on what to expect when the twins are born, etc.

Because of this the babies will be born via c-section at the hospital in Oakland 1.5 hrs from our house. The perinatologist said that they'll schedule it around 38 weeks. Brianna will have neurosurgery on her back within 48 hrs of her birth. We meet with the peds neurosurgeon on the 17th to go over the surgical plan, discuss possible outcomes, ask questions, etc. The SB nurse will come with us so we can have her translate if necessary, and she'll help us remember what he says if nothing else.

Someone sent us an essay called "Welcome to Holland" that really summed up this experience and our adventure to come.

19 Weeks Along and Level 2 Ultrasound Today

2008-10-20T09:26:00.000-07:00

It's been a while since I've posted, so much has happened. We found out that we're having one girl and one boy, exactly what we hoped for. We had one of those freaky 3-D/4-D ultrasounds about two weeks ago and got to see their little faces, legs, bodies, it was amazing.

RCB had the alpha fetoprotein (AFP) blood test several weeks ago and it was elevated. This could indicate several things - Downs, placenta problems, who knows what else. It's sort of weird since we had the nuchal translucency test and it came back just fine, with only a very slight risk of Downs and trisomy 13 and 18. We've done our research and it looks like the AFP test has a very high false positive rate, especially with twins and higher order multiples. So we're again, cautiously optimistic. But as the appointment gets closer we're both a little more concerned.

Our 12 yr old daughter is killing us. We got a phone call last night from one of her off again/on again friends mothers regarding Amy's Myspace page. We didn't even know she had a Myspace page...she's been grounded from the computer for like a year. Apparently she made one when she was at her dads this summer. And she posted at her friends house on Sunday. Her friends mom just wanted to let us know that there was some innappropriate language in an email sent to her daughters Myspace page by Amy. Oh joy, just the phone call every parent wants to get! So RCB and I got online and had Amy login to her account. Her dad's new wife was one of her "friends" on the page - so nice of her to clue us in. Anyway, the page has been deleted and she's not going to be spending time at her friends house anytime in the near future. I swear that kid is always grounded from something - TV, computer, phone, we've taken her cellphone (which was ridiculous for her to have at her age anyway) and she's even been grounded from eating dessert for lack of other things to ground her from. Also her allowance is constantly in jeopardy - she's supposed to get $10 a week (this includes lunch money if she wants to buy lunch) but I don't remember the last time she got the full amount. The thing that bugs us the most is that she doesn't stay upset about any of this for very long. Within an hour of her crying to us and talking about how kids are so mean to her at school, blah blah blah she's in her room singing!! I guess it means she's resilient, but still...I'd be upset for the rest of the night at least!!!

Cleared for Three Genetic Tests Today

2008-08-29T17:38:00.000-07:00

We had an ultrasound today to check for Downs Syndrome and Trisomy 13 and 18. All is well! The genetic counsellor takes the measurements of the back of the babies necks (nuchal fold) and RCB's blood level of a certain protein and HCG and plugs them into a computer to calculate our risk of having a baby with one of these things. Both babies have the same risk of developing each disorder: 1/4,841 for Downs and 1/8,361 for the other two. The average risk of a 20 yr old woman having a baby with Downs is 1/1,250.

It was completely amazing to see the babies today! They were squirming and kicking and moving all over the place! One of them even flipped over and put their back towards the ultrasound tech. I already love them so much, it's so surreal to have gone through all of the infertility stuff and now be able to see our little ones looking like real little human beings. Just amazing.

Our son made the JV water polo team! He played on a club team from Feb. to June so that he'd be ready to tryout for the high school team (he just started 9th grade). It was the easiest tryout I've ever seen...I walked him over to turn in his sports physical packet and ask the coaches when tryouts were. They said, "Just give me your name and email, shirt and short size and you're on the team." Then they shook his hand. Nice! Our daughter didn't have the same luck with 7th grade volleyball. She tried out yesterday and didn't make it. She had to go through so much too, 2 days of practice and 3 days of tryouts!! Poor thing, she came running out to the car crying when I picked her up.

RCB's grampa died on Wed. He had been sick and in the hospital for about a week. He had a MRSA infection in his heart and was on IV antibiotics but he couldn't beat the infection. It's very sad that he'll never get to meet our babies. We have a hutch that he made in the babies room, that way it'll be like he's always with them. When they're in their room anyway. You know what I mean. We're going to the service on Tuesday.

Have a great Labor Day weekend!

We're Having TWINS!!

2008-07-30T11:17:00.000-07:00

We had our first ultrasound on Monday, and we saw two little heartbeats!! We're in shock and can't believe it and are totally excited!! Both little embryos stuck and are growing into sweet little babies. Unreal. We're going to need a bigger car! And a ton of diapers! And two of everything! It was just a few months ago that we were thinking we'd never be pregnant.

It was so incredible. We got to the clinic and the research nurse who we've been friends with since the IVF frozen egg study asked us "So...what do you think? Is it one or two?" At that point we were honestly thinking it was just one, RCB hasn't been very sick - really tired and a little queasy, but not too bad. The nurse asked if she could come in the room while the doctor did the ultrasound and of course we said "Sure!"

So we check in and wait, then get back to the room and wait some more...the longest wait we've ever had before an ultrasound of course. The doc comes in and asks how RCB's feeling, and then gets the US probe ready. As soon as he put it in her he said, "Well there are two sacs!" We were ecstatic and hugged and kissed and cried and everything else he said was like "Blah blah blah." Except when he said, "There's baby A's heartbeat, and there's baby B's" and when he said, "Let's see if there's anyone else hiding out in here..." When we were done we checked out and sat in the car for a bit calling and texting everyone we know to tell them. Then we went to dinner to celebrate at the Chevy's restaurant where we first met.

Life is good.

HCG More Than Doubled

2008-07-11T18:14:00.000-07:00

We had another beta HCG yesterday and it was 873. Progesterone was over 50. We're hoping for twins...how amazing would that be! Not to be greedy, but it would be so nice to have our family complete with one pregnancy. Especially after all RCB went through. We have an ultrasound appointment on 7/28 so we should know more then.

WE'RE PREGNANT!!!

2008-07-08T17:35:00.000-07:00

It seems so unreal, but we had the blood test to confirm it today - RCB's pregnant!!! We did a home test on Saturday while we were staying at her sister's house. It's a funny story actually...she woke up at 5am and had to pee really bad, but didn't have a cup to pee in (didn't want to search around through the cupboard at that hour to find an acceptable pee-cup) so she just went like normal. I was barely awake but I remember thinking that darnit, she'd wasted the first morning pee and now the test might not be strong enough to detect the small amount of hCG left (if any). She came back and we fell asleep for a couple of hours. Then when we both woke up around 8 I went and found a disposable cup and she did the test. She came to the bathroom door and showed it to me, no second line. We were like "Oh well, we weren't supposed to test at home, the doctor told us not too for a reason. This doesn't mean we're not pregnant." But of course, having been burned so many times before, I thought the worst.

Her sister and our friend and I decided to go to Starbucks for our morning coffee, RCB stayed home. 10 minutes later when we got home we were greeted at the door by RCB holding a positive pregnancy test with tears in her eyes...she hadn't waited long enough for the test to develop before tossing it!! She had gone back to throw something away in the bathroom and low and behold - 2 lines!!! I hugged on to her as tight as possible (still had two cups of coffee in my hands - spilled a little) and started crying too. Even telling this story it seems surreal.

When the doctor called back today with the test results he said that her hCG level was 406 mIU/mL - on the high side of normal for a singleton pregnancy. He said it could indicate twins!! It's too soon to know for sure, we have another blood test on 7/10 and our first OB ultrasound on 7/28. If everything keeps looking good the due date will be March 16th, 2009.

Day 5 Embryo Transfer Today

2008-06-28T19:29:00.000-07:00

Everything went really well this morning. RCB almost burst b/c her bladder was so full, but it made for a perfectly positioned uterus. We're very excited!! The doc said we have a 60% chance of this cycle working. We have 2 blasts frozen already and they're letting 5 more "cook" until tomorrow to see if they can be frozen.

Grow Embryos Grow!

2008-06-25T12:20:00.000-07:00

We got an update this morning - all 14 eggs that fertilized are now grade 1 embryos!!! So far there are 6 four cell, 3 three cell and 5 two cell. The doc is even more confident that we'll transfer on Saturday at the day 5 blastocyst stage - they'll just put two back since they'll be further developed. Even with only 2 transfered there is a 35% chance of twins he said...which is fine with us!

Some interesting IVF info: Day 5 embryos/blastocysts have a higher implantation rate than day 3's. In nature at the day 3 stage they are still in the fallopian tube, not the uterus, and the environment is very different. In the IVF lab (at our clinic anyway) they mimick the pH,temp, etc. of the tubal environment for days 1-4 and switch to a uterine-esque medium/environment in vitro after that and transfer back to the patient on day 5 or 6. If the clinic is able to do this (and the embryos are thriving in the artificial environment) it's a good way to weed-out those embryos that have genetic problems and won't make it past the day 3 mark. Our doc said that the chance of us getting pregnant with day 5 blasts is 80%, day 3 embies 50%.

RCB's feeling better today, still sore and hating the progesterone shots in the butt. Hopefully this will be the last time she'll have to go through this.

We told our 14 yr old son about how things are going and he said, "We better not come home and have 14 babies on the way!!" Love him.

Egg Retrieval a Success

2008-06-23T21:11:00.000-07:00

RCB did really well today, the RE was able to retrieve 25 eggs. They grade their maturity level according to their stage of meiosis or reproductive cell development - we have 16 M II's (optimal for fertilization), 5 M I's (may develop into M II's in vitro) and 4 less mature ones (probably won't fertilize). They inseminated all of them today and we'll get a "fertilization report" from the clinic in the morning. It's so hard to see her go through all of this again, I hope this is it and there are no more surgeries, shots, etc. We started the progesterone IM shots today and it made me feel sick - and I'm just the one giving them! The needle is so long I didn't want to put it all the way in, but you have to. The nurse drew targets on her butt/hips today and one is a female symbol, the other a male symbol. So it's like we're doing eeny-meeney-miney-moe every day to see what we're going to have.

We're hopeful but still "cautiously optimistic."

Egg Retrieval a Day Earlier Then Planned!

2008-06-21T16:33:00.000-07:00

We went back to the clinic this morning and RCB's follicles are looking good - I've never seen such swiss cheese looking ovaries! There were several 16-22mm already, and the tech said they take anything over 13mm for IVF. When the nurse called she told us to come in on Monday - we're doing the retrieval a day early! So we do the Ovidrel shot tonight at 10pm and they retrieve her eggs at 10am onMonday. We can't believe it! I answered the phone when the nurse called and I was so thrown off - the doc said there was only a 10% chance it'd be Monday. She started giving med instructions and Istarted scrambling for a pen and yelled to RCB, "I need paper!" The nurse laughed and said, "Maybe I should talk to RCB..." Then we joked about having to call our friend to drive both of us to the hospital when she's in labor. I'm not the best in a crisis...

Since the clinic is over an hour away we're staying in a hotel near the clinic tomorrow night and the IVF clinic pays for it - drop in the ocean compared to what we're paying for the IVF plan...but we're still grateful. It'll be like a mini vacation! It's really hot here right now, 105 today, and they have an outdoor pool so that'll be nice. Our other kids are with their dad in Michigan, so it's just us right now...that's like a vacation too. My mom flew out here and stayed for a week then flew back with them last Wed. We definitely miss them, but we've never really had a time when it was just us. They've gone back to their dad's before, but our son was on the "traditional" school calendar and our daughter was on a year-round calendar so school breaks were never at the same time. They'll be out there until mid-August, we've already planned two concerts - John Mayer and Pat Benatar - and a trip to Monterey (I have a conference for work and RCB's coming along).

I'll post an update after the retrieval - wish us luck!!

Lots and Lots of Follicles Already!

2008-06-16T15:55:00.000-07:00

We went to the clinic today, our first appt. since starting the Follistim and Menopur shots 6/12. The doc added Menopur this time, hope it helps. She started with 225 of Follistim and 75 of Menopur, and we dropped to 175 yesterday. The IVF nurse said since there are 35 good looking follicles already that we need to decreaseFollistim to 150 tonight. We're really happy that things are looking good so far, it's so hard not to get our hopes up everytime. We go back every other day now, hope to retrieve lots of eggs 6/24, they'll fertlize and put them back in on either 6/27 or 6/29 depending on how they look. We'll take the blood pregnancy test 7/9.

Interesting experience with IVF meds: I got our Menopur online from IVFmeds.com - it costs half as much as through the clinic (our insurance doesn't cover it). Unfortunately they use european packaging - so we open the box and there are these crazy looking glass ampoules that you actually have to crack open! I had to look online to figure out how to open them - the only pictures they had were for anabolic steroid users - so nice. Anyway, everytime I do it there are bits of glass in the paper towel (I wrap it so I don't cut myself) and it just doesn't seem right. I'm putting my thumb on the blue dot and snapping it, but it's messy and dangerous-feeling. Anyone else run into this? Am I doing something wrong?

We go back on Wed. to see how things are developing. Our fingers are crossed! Please don't let RCB be getting multiple shots in the tummy again for nothing...she's such a brave girl.

High Tech It Is - We're Back

2008-05-21T15:16:00.000-07:00

After taking some time off and weighing our options, and letting the dust settle a bit after the IVF study failure, we've decided to go back to the clinic to try IVF again. We had a telephone consultation with the midwife and it was very positive and supportive. But we just keep thinking that if we tried 5 IUI's with Clomid and it didn't work it's like taking a step backwards to instead drink fertility tea, take more vitamins, get a speculum and hope for the best. I'm no good with a speculum we found out...poor RCB. We charted every fertility sign, saliva ferning, cervical mucus, temperature, used OPK's, etc. but things didn't line up like everything we've read says it's supposed to. We tried in April at home but obviously it didn't work.

Anyway, my new title is "IVF Coordinator." I spent a good portion of last and this week calling Capitol One Medical Procedure Financing (who knew there was such a thing!), Integramed (doing a "Shared Risk Program" that lets us try at least 3 and up to 6 times with IVF and FET), and our clinic. I first called the clinic and talked with our study nurse - and found out that the study had been pulled! It made us feel a little better, we were like, "Yeah, that study SUCKS!" Funny how quickly things change - we were so thankful to be included in the study before it failed...

So now our calendar looks like this:

Kissing the Infertility Clinic Goodbye - For Now

2008-04-12T08:33:00.000-07:00

We've decided that the medical system isn't conducive to lesbian conception. For us anyway. We're going to take a more organic, less invasive, less expensive approach. We had a consultation with Maia Midwifery on Tuesday and it was great. We have the book written by their director and it's great. A little overwhelming, but good. Honestly, it feels like the clinic hijacked her cycles to make them fit their schedule and what the "average" cycle is. We didn't chart her cycle for 3 months like we should have in the beginning, we were in the middle of buying a new house and we just wanted to go to the doctor and have them make it happen. We know now that she tends to ovulate late, but other than that there is no reason she can't get pregnant. But now that she's been exposed to so many hormones, Kristen at Maia suggests taking a few months off to "reset" her system - body and emotions. We thought about doing that - too bad we had 2 vials of sperm sitting in a cryotank in our bedroom. So...although she didn't get all of her "fertile signs" at the same time once she had the eggwhite-like cervical mucus and the ovulation predictor kit turned positive we decided to give it a shot (no pun intended). We don't have big hopes this time, we're calling it a practice run.

None in the Freezer, But Hopefully One in the Oven

2008-03-10T09:30:00.001-07:00

We just received word that none of our "extra" embryos developed enough to be frozen. There were 8 that the clinic was watching to see if they'd split again, a few 5 cells, a 4 a 3 a 2 and a 1...oh well. We're not sure what to think. That was our backup plan...to transfer some of the frozen embryos next cycle if this one doesn't work. Does this mean that the ones we did transfer don't have a chance? Does it mean that because they were further along (7 and 6 cells) and they are now in their natural environment that they'll implant and be fine? After all this it can't possibly fail...we'll be crushed. But it does happen, and this is a clinical trial...ugh. We can't go there right now. There's still hope. The doctor said that there is still a great chance of being pregnant, so we're going with that for now.

I'm already kissing her tummy and talking to the little growing embryos...we want this so bad.

New Hope

2008-03-06T19:57:00.000-08:00

Alot has happened over the last few months. We didn't try anymore IUI's. We enrolled in a clinical trial in December that our clinic is participating in so that we'd get to try IVF for free. The only catch is that RCB's eggs had to be frozen for one cycle using a new method developed by ViaCell called "ViaCyte."

RCB had to take birth control pills (very ironic we thought), have me give her shots of Lupron and Follistim for a few weeks, take estrogen pills, take medrol for 4 days, and now I'm giving her shots in the butt of progesterone. With a BIG needle. Poor thing, she's very brave. She had her eggs retrieved (pictures of a labrador chasing an easter egg come to mind...) last month, all 30 of them!! The average woman only releases 1 egg per month...imagine how uncomfortable maturing 30 eggs must have been!!! That was the worst part of this process, she had to be under general anesthesia and I had to leave her while she was in the OR. She was in a little pain after that, but healed up quickly. Seventeen of her eggs were mature enough to freeze.

Her eggs were thawed this past Monday. They used our donor's sperm and ICSI'd them and waited a day to see which ones fertilized, and 11 of them did. Of those 11, 5 began to divide, and the others will be incubated until they're at day 5 (this Sunday, March 9th) to see if they divide. If they do, they'll freeze them in case we need them in the future.

We went in today, day 3, and they transferred 3 good looking embryos back into RCB's gorgeous 8+ mm uterine lining. We talked about it ahead of time, and decided that if there were 2 nearly perfect embryos we'd only transfer 2. When we got there this morning, the doctor said we had 1-7 celled embryo, 1-6 celled and 3-5 celled. 8 celled is optimal, but healthy babies have developed from even 5 celled day 3 embryos. Given the embryo quality and RCB's teetering on the edge of turning 35, she recommended we transfer 3; the 6 and 7 celled and one of the 5 celled. Technically she's pregnant right now.

It's been a long road, although not as long as for some. We feel very lucky to be a part of this study, and it's neat because I manage clinical trials for a living. We couldn't afford to do this if we had to pay out of pocket, neither of our insurance would cover these procedures.

Now we just have to wait until March 17th to take a pregnancy test.

Not

2007-11-25T18:00:00.000-08:00

We're not pregnant. Again. Try number 5 was a bust. We're sitting around drinking wine (well, we actually had one glass and stopped cuz we almost fell asleep) and eating ice cream being totally depressed. Feeling like we're being punished. Can't believe it, we thought we did everything right and this was really it. The HSG was clear. We had a surge.

We're out for December, will try again in Jan. Hopefully there are still vials of our donors stuff left...I'll call tomorrow and order 4 if they're available. We'll talk to the doc in the morning, when the nurse called us back today with the negative HCG result she said that the doc wanted to do a "reconsultation." We're probably moving on to injectibles next. So expensive, we've already spent $10,000. Hopefully we'll get most of this back from taxes...hopefully. I can't believe how draining this process is. How long can this go on? We haven't even really decided at what point we'll stop trying.

What a yucky day full of tears and conflicting emotions. Maybe it wasn't meant to be. I just can't imagine why though. We'd be the best moms ever. We already are!

This is it!!!

2007-11-11T15:41:00.000-08:00

RCB is pretty sure that she ovulated last night, and she felt it on both sides. We went in for the IUI today and everything went well. The donor's sperm were extra "progressive" - they were 4 this time, in the past they've been 3+. The motility was 65% and total motile count was 25.2 million. All good things!!! We went to lunch at the restaurant where we first met before our appointment, and made a day of our trip to the clinic (it's about an hour and 15 minutes away). We both think this is it, but do we think that everytime? It just seems so perfect this time.

Things that were different this time:
1. Detected an LH surge.
2. Took wheatgrass shots for 2 days on CD13 and CD14- probably not enough to make a difference, but I'm noting it just the same.
3. Took 4 days off of work to relax prior to the IUI.
4. The IUI timing - if she did ovulate last night, the egg/eggs were waiting there patiently for the sperm to swim right up to it/them and fight for 1st place.

Now starts the 2 week wait. I'm already thinking of things to do the next couple of weeks to keep us busy.

We Got The SURGE!!!

2007-11-10T14:31:00.000-08:00

We've tested with the ovulation predictor kits off and on, mostly when we first started TTC, but we've found that RCB either gets mini LH surges that throw us off early in her cycle, or she doesn't get a big surge until CD18. The first cycle we waited until CD18, got a surge, and the doctor said that the follicles were TOO big and were probably not viable - and RCB was in tons of pain when she ovulated that cycle. So the doc said for us to come in on CD16, even if we haven't surged.

It's very confusing to read the OPK blue lines...they're totally NOT like the pregnancy test lines where if you see ANY line it's considered positive, so we're always like,"Is the line blue enough? It could be, but what if we're wrong and we go to the clinic and get an ultrasound and waste another $300??" Anyway, this month we decided to splurge on the $30 digital tester kit that either shows you an empty circle if you don't surge or a smiley face if there IS enough LH to constitute a surge. We started testing on CD10. Today is CD16, and we planned on going to the clinic anyway since that's what we've done in the past. But today there was a REAL SURGE!! HOORAY!!! So we went to the clinic and there was one really nice follicle - about 25 mm. In the past there have been 3 good follicles, but we're thinking positively. It only takes one, right?? Her uterine lining was about 9 mm thick too, so we're good to go for the IUI tomorrow.

HSG was fine, we're gearing up for IUI #5

2007-11-09T16:27:00.000-08:00

We haven't written for a while because we found this great group of TTC lesbians at http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/2moms_trying/. RCB had the HSG done on CD7 of this cycle. All was clear! Unfortunately we ran into some crappy homophobe nurses at the clinic in Stockton, CA - Delta Radiology - avoid them at all costs if you possibly can!! They didn't let me into the room while the procedure was being done, granted it was probably just the policy since the room was small and there was radiation involved. But when I asked if this was why, the nurse just said, "It's a special procedure, it's not because you're...well, you know..." and the nurse working with RCB told the doctor, "So she's been trying to conceive for a couple of years now" which was totally random...since RCB had just told her that she was doing IUI's and her fourth try didn't work. Very weird.

Today is CD15 and tomorrow is the HCG trigger. No LH surge again this cycle, but we usually just wait until CD16, go into the clinic. Then we'll go back on CD17 for the IUI.

I feel like I've learned another language over the last several months. "My DP is TTC for 5C's, using an anonymous donor, IUI + Clomid + Estrace." Today isn't Friday, it's CD15.

We'll post again soon!

Negative pee test, but the blood test is tomorrow...

2007-10-22T13:09:00.000-07:00

So we spent the weekend with RCB's family and both of us had in our heads this dreamy image of waking up Saturday morning, doing the pregnancy test, getting a "+" sign and joyously announcing to her family that "We're Pregnant!!!" Doesn't that sound amazing? I'm sure you've guessed by now that that didn't happen. I can't believe it. She can't believe it. We were really sure this time was going to be it. Granted we did the test on day 11 post ovulation, but what are the chances we're in that small percentage of people who get a false negative.

Our friends who are lesbian mommies said it took them 4 tries to get pregnant with their son, and 9 tries with their daughter. But they didn't use fertility drugs. So we were thinking ok, we can deal with 4 tries...this HAS to be it, I mean, it didn't happen the first time, or the second, or the third, but COME ON!! There's 100 mg. of Clomid involved here...and perfectly timed IUI's with HCG triggers...and lots of gorgeous follicles, and a uterine lining so perfect you could eat off of it...well, you know what I mean. And to think that when we started this endeavor we thought we'd have no problem. RCB's periods have been so regular her entire life you could set your watch by them...never any gyn-type problems, or really any health problems at all. It just doesn't make sense.

We're still staying so positive about all this craziness, but it's getting really difficult to see how people put themselves through this for years and stay sane...and aren't homeless (did I mention we've spent upwards of $7,000 already??? In 5 months??? And the first month we didn't even inseminate!!!).

Everything looked so good at this last appointment. And for several appointments now everything's looked good. We're even sure we have the timing down pat now - RCB tends to ovulate later, so we go in for the HCG trigger on day 16 and do the IUI 24 hrs later. There's no reason (in our minds) that this shouldn't have worked by now. The next step is a hysterosalpingogram. What is this you ask? A lovely test (which they've already informed us will be uncomfortable) where dye is injected into her uterus and xrayed as it travels up into her fallopian tubes and spills out to be absorbed by her body. The good thing is that if there is "debris" in her tubes preventing fertilization and/or the fertilized egg from travelling down into her uterus, this test can actually clear her tubes.

The next step is to get a blood pregnancy test tomorrow morning. She hasn't started her period yet, but she feels PMS-y and we already had the neg. test, so it's just another $55 down the drain and an hour-and-a-half drive to the fertility clinic and back.

Anticipation

2007-10-18T19:15:00.000-07:00

The waiting definitely sucks. RC had heartburn yesterday...and she's bloated today. First signs of pregnancy? PMS? Who knows. This is the fourth time we're going through this, and while I know lots of people do this for a year or more before they get pregnant, I don't know how they stay sane. It's always on our minds, every baby we see makes us that much more impatient. Going to Target for something always includes a trip through the baby section. And then there are the news stories of people who have abandoned babies or given birth and left the baby in the garbage. So awful.

Our hopes are high...again

2007-10-09T19:39:00.000-07:00

After reading a few other people's blogs and becoming obsessed for a few hours with all the details of their lesbian conception stories we decided to start our own. If nothing else, it's a good way to let others know of our experiences and that they're not alone in this all consuming adventure/craziness.

Today was Tallulah's* 4th IUI (that's intrauterine insemination for any newbies out there). This is the fourth cycle that she's been taking Clomid and this time there were three good follicles and her uterine lining looked perfect. I never thought I'd be talking like this... Anyway, we went in yesterday for the hCG trigger shot-in-the-belly and ultrasound and everything looked great. It's getting harder to get excited though, it looked good the last time too...but obviously something went wrong. We have our fingers crossed, we're now starting our fourth wait-and-see-and-overanalyze-every-bodily-symptom phase for the next two weeks.

*OK, the wifey hates the name Tallulah, but I had to put it here for her to see. Our discussions of baby names have been fun...I love to throw out obscure ones I'd never curse any child with - it makes her flush in the cutest way. From now on she will be referred to as "RCB" in the tradition of blogging. Apologies to anyone out there who has already or plans on naming their child "Tallulah".